**** Sarah Redmond walked along the beach. The moisture streaking down her face a few scant hours before were gone. She had no more tears for the dead. The culmination of all her dreams, all her fears, had coalesced into this one moment, a time of hollow and empty grief. Walking numbly and uncaring, she moved along the edge of the horizon, ready to accept the decree of fate. Was it just yesterday she lay in the hospital bed watching in horror as her body self-aborted another baby? Did she only imagine her husband leaving her alone in a cold, empty room? Sarah didn't have any answers. This was the real reason she walked alone on the beach in twilight, searching for the mercy of death. Only true darkness could relieve her suffering, answer all the uncertainties rioting through her mind. As the cold waters of the Pacific Ocean swelled against her bare feet, she wandered further down the shore, searching for oblivion. **** Tao's abdomen clenched in excruciating pain, the muscles tightening in a steady, unrelenting grip. "I must continue," she said, strangling the words through her lips as she willed her body along the rough, gritty sand. Slowly, each inch a measure of extreme torment, Tao moved toward the safety of the rocks nearby. Weary and nearly willing to give over to the sounds of death knocking at the door of her soul, she continued to crawl, dragging the useless portion of her body across the bristling terrain. Soon, she thought, it would be soon. **** How did anyone learn to exist with pain? Sarah pondered the question, wondering why she cared. Pain had been all she knew. If it weren't for the never-ending emotion, there would have been no existence at all. She couldn't remember a time when she wasn't suffering. She had no family, and now never would. She'd married a man who didn't love her, and now never would. Her baby had died on a cold hospital table while she watched, helpless. Tears streaked down her face and Sarah wiped at them automatically, curious she could still cry for her misery. **** Bearing down in extreme agony, Tao pushed hard against the contraction. "Please…please… Vala, hear me." Grimacing and groaning, Tao bore down, her legs spread wide, as she struggled to bring the life of her child into being. She didn't care that the world was cold and unforgiving. This babe was all she had left, all she had to give. The labor was long, every exertion causing precious drops of lifeblood to flow. She tried not to scream, her teeth grinding. Tao prayed harder. Vala! Please don't let me fail. Please! "Please. Help my baby. Please. Do not forsake her as you have forsaken me!" The last words echoed on a high-pitched yell she could no longer contain. **** Sarah's mind screeched, the sound carrying along the wind. Raising the .357 Magnum, she lifted her head toward the horizon. The last rays of the day warming her skin as a cooling breeze lifted tendrils of hair she had always thought shone a lifeless brown. Her eyes flickered over the dropping sun as it turned the sky a brilliant, burnished orange. The smell of the ocean haunted. Odd, this night seemed more beautiful than any other of her long, useless life. A pity it would be the last. **** The loss of blood made her dizzy. Tao struggled to clear the dots before her eyes, praying for strength. Why had I thought to escape? Her cravings for freedom had doomed her and the child to a miserable death. Holding the tiny, bloody infant closer against her breasts. Tao let loose the tears she'd struggled to maintain. **** Sarah had nearly pulled the trigger when a noise stopped her, a listless scream floating along the wind. Frowning, turning her face toward a small outcropping of stones, she took the long barrel from her lips, swallowing the nasty taste of gun oil. Wandering closer, moving like a robot, the haunting noise echoed in her ears. Maybe it was some kind of morbid curiosity, the desire to witness another soul struggle through life. Or perhaps it was her own helpless fate causing her feet to move forward. Whatever the reason, Sarah continued walking, her toes coursing through the grainy earth. Stopping short near a small outlaying of stones, nearly stumbling. The sight greeting her eyes gorged the fluid in her heart. Stuttering the intrinsic motion of the restless beating inside her chest. A naked woman lay motionless near a pool of blood-ridden sand. On her breasts was a newborn infant still attached to the umbilical cord. The baby fretted, moving like a muscled reed in the wind, like it was desperately trying to abide by nature's call to live. The muffled crying sounded loudly in her ears, and Sarah figured it was the hushed tones of the child she'd heard earlier. "Oh my God," she whispered, struggling to push the words past her throat. Glistening, near lifeless blue eyes raised, the gaze glassy and distant. Long strands of dark red hair plastered to the woman's face, thick, wet chords clung to the cheeks. Bright blood leaked from a multitude of wounds all over the body, but the majority came from the birth and a large slash in the side. Skin glowed under the oncoming moonlight, and Sarah recognized the signs of approaching death. She had seen the same look on her mother's face before she passed. Forgetting her own desire to meet the maker, she dropped the gun in the sand, rushing to kneel next to the prone form. "I'm going to take you to a doctor. You've lost a lot of blood." The woman's breathing became more shallow with each passing second, and she responded weakly, "It's too late for me. Pl-please take care of the child. Vala has taken mercy on my plight." Reaching a shaking hand toward the long chain resting on the rise of her breasts, she gasped, "M-my necklace. It's all I have to give. Take it. Give it to… her." Staring at the woman, something deep inside Sarah broke loose, and she began to cry. She'd seen despair. She'd seen it every morning when she looked in the mirror, but the look from this woman captured all the moments she had ever felt, reflected the emotion in one extreme, fraught-filled gaze. Pity, a foreign emotion, welled in her breasts. "Pl-please," the woman breathed. "You-you are my last hope." Sarah cringed, afraid to be anyone's last hope. She didn't have enough fumes to see her through the night, much less an innocent, defenseless child. Still, she gingerly took the baby, running probing eyes across the skin to check for obvious signs of distress. Cutting the umbilical cord with a small utility Gerber attached to her key chain, she raised the infant for a closer inspection. A girl. It's a girl, same as mine. Blood and dirt were caked on the stomach and knees, but Sarah had never seen a more beautiful sight. Laughing helplessly, holding the tiny life in her hands, she smiled happily, in spite of herself. **** Tao leaned further into the coarse earth surrounding her, knowing death rode on quick wings. Praise Vala! The appearance of the woman was an answer to her prayers. Sighing in weary thanks, she knew no harm would come to her child. The Goddess would see to that. As darkness descended, shadows eclipsing her gaze. Tao struggled to convey her final words. Her eyes turned toward the only home she had ever known. "Nev-ver let her go there." **** The woman died on the beach, her blue eyes gazing at the ocean, and tears streamed down Sarah's face, deep, encompassing sobs racked her slight frame. Mere minutes ago, the thought of death had bothered her little. Now though, as she probed into a pair of insensate eyes, the idea of dying disturbed her more than she could say. She felt weak, unsure of how to continue on, the morbidity of the moment suspending her limbs, freezing her in place. Lifting her head toward the fading dusk of the horizon, she wondered. "God, what can I do?" Strangely, the ocean roared loudly, strong waves crashing against the shore. A cool breeze whispered across her face, and the smell of ocean careened through her nostrils. The surreal effects startled Sarah, infusing her with a measure of strength and fear. Suddenly, but with hesitation, she turned away from the gruesome sight. Sighing, she walked along the shoreline, the water flowing and receding as she watched. I will succeed, Sarah vowed. This baby needs me. Retracing her path, following the imprinted footsteps to where the gun lay, she gazed at the blue steel glinting with wicked intent. Gingerly, she replaced the pistol inside the thick lining of her coat pocket, sparing another glance at the bloody newborn in her arms. Pondering the miracle lying so near her heart, she frowned as the woman's parting words lingered in her mind. Where was she never to let the child go? The woman had glanced toward the sea, but that didn't make any sense. Looking over her shoulder at the deceased mother, Sarah wondered what to do next. She couldn't leave the woman lying there. The marine life would have a field day. Eventually, somebody would discover a body bloated from the sun, picked over by nature. The remote area of Cabrillo Cove kept it hidden from visitors, but natives like Sarah could find it easily. There was only one option. Placing the toddler inside her jacket, snug and secure, she walked back toward the lifeless figure to grab the woman by the ankles. Bracing, she pulled with all her strength till the dead weight moved. It seemed more fitting to put the woman in the ocean, instead of leaving her to become the carrion of the shores. When water rushed past her thighs, Sarah finally let go. The Necklace! Shocked by the loud voice in her head, she reacted quickly, grasping again for one of the woman's limbs. Holding on against the current, Sarah leaned over to unclasp the jewelry, clutching the warm stone in her palm. The baby gave a muffled cry against the jostling, and instinctively she soothed the child with murmured words of love, watching in mild astonishment as another wave closed in. It almost seemed like the sea was taking back one of its own. The body drifted away and she stared for a few more moments, as the woman floated further. What if I'd never gone to investigate that cry? Shaking her head to clear it of the morose thought, Sarah looked down at the bundle snuggled warmly against her chest. Smiling, she unzipped her jacket, pulling the infant free. Cupping a bit of salt water in her hands, she washed away the dirt, blood, and grime. The restless child tossed, crying loudly. Seconds later Sarah's happiness faded - fear replacing her joy.

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Copyright © 2004 Karen Monroe